the journey continues

how i came to be ing here now... aspiring to be in service...to the Divine Lila

My life was spent also rather unhealthy.. and in a constant search for balance, I still seek balance..within our living foods community and Easter Medicine, Herbal Ism, Wild craftin.. it is an enlivening and undying passion i have to dive deeper.. I feel compelled to share my story becuase this subject matter is in essence why i'm alive..

I give respect and deep admiration to those who constantly inspire me as living examples of what it means to love, learn, and to share and care on this journey of awakening to our fullest potential....

I believe very strongly in supporting future generations of children to awaken to their inner awarenes.. and to shine brightly .. because I was a child that was not fed nourishing food, and i was an adult trapped in a child body for along time trying to fill that need for love with food, I am a mother trying to figure out how we can undo this conditioning and teach our children to love themselves and what they put in thier boddies and how they walk in this blessed opportunity to be in this life.. I pray that children everywhere and adults too, but mostly chidren i am concerned about now, that they become aware they are noble beings and they deserve to live a life of love.

It has been through my journey with my own inner child and my children that i see a shift in consciousness being made and at time in history where it is catastrophicy the time to change old paradigms of complacenecy.. and go back to our roots.. .For me personally, I've allways felt a spiritual connection with food since i made the choice to give up eating dead animals.... I remember when i felt the emotions and moods in my foods for the first time --i was 16 and my friends at school were going vegan.. i watched a presentation at lunch by the 'earth savers' who are also known as The Vegetarian Association, they go around educating people about vegetarinaism, health, nutrituion, slaughter houses, the reality of the industry, and pharmacutical indoctrination.. capitalism on food that poisons, awareness of gmo's, and they offer support for those wanting to change but don't know what to do.. I was profoundly moved and shaken up watching the slaughter houses of cows being cut open alive, chickengs being debeaked, kept in abomanable conditions, pigs being cut open alive, it was intense.. I began to cry and wanted to puke.. so i I went vegan... joined Peta, Joined the Earth Savers, went to potlucks, and protests, and tried to figure out why people were so misled.. and how these companies could get away with murder and death and people just ate it up.. and was very perplexed with what to do ..for a while. .not knowing what the heck i was doing but knowing i ethically felt on the right track..I found myself diving into it deeply, loosing friends, going finatical..lol... (like so many of us raw foodists and spiritualists do too.. )
I went to college in Vancouver and lived with a bunch of vegans and political activists and was exposed to some amazing ethnic vegetarian cuisine.. and was totally enlivened by studying sustainablity, art, expression, political, social and environmental activism.. And Burn out ensued.. I realized i couldn't save the world, i could save me and be an example, and I needed to nourish me..or I would be useless.. So when i was 19 I retreated to Vancouver Island where I spent time meditating and cultivating connection with my First Nations roots, and taking shelter in my spiritual guide, My aunt.. who was a musician, world traveller, artist, First Nations scholar a humanitarian activist, a PHD and Masters Scholar in Ethnomusicology, Art and Language..she was also part of the Bahai Faith. I cultivated a deep taste for spirituality in that time, going to Pesian Feasts once a month, observing fasts, reading poetry, and I perservered with my vegetarianism and seeming 'health food' fascination.

Soon After I married a Vegetarian Chef, joined the Hare Krishna's after attending their Sunday Love feasts that were mouth watering and delicious, and the kirtan and worship melted my heart.. all of my friends were vegetarian and happy, i felt in heavan.. So i began to allow dairy back in. and found myself in spiritual bliss through kirtan and yoga, but after about two years of eating dairy, wheat, sugars.. and a carcinogenic blend of oils.. in the name of 'offering it to god' with love and devotion i knew something wasn't working for me presonally, in my flora..

When i gave birth to my first daughter and was about 200 pounds.. thanks to what i call emotional eating.. i was so happy to have a child to share my life with and teach the ways of living i believed in, But i also realized I had to be a better living example, and that filling that hunger for love and affection through my tongue and stomach.. leaving my body not feeling so optimal and inspired.. was not what I wanted her to learn from..

I soon after met some zany Hemp Activists and Vegan friends through the Rainbow Gathering Community, and I was really excited to see vegan ice cream and learn who to make nutritious and delicious mylks full of protein and calcium but without Soy... because by this time I'd been vegetarian almost 5 years and Soy was not really doing it for me.. I learned the ill effects of soy, dairy, and sugar, and realized I had a long way to go. In Vancouver at a Summit for Spirituality and Sustainability.. we were serving loads of ice cream, it was going off, the hemp milk and hemp seed were in high demand and the Hemp Seed Co-op was inspiring many.. It was in this web i found my partner of 7 years and we began a journey into healthy living eating, worship and HEMP milk activism... The Co-Op involved delivering raw seeds to the mainstream, and teaching people how to make sprouted mylks and how to use blender bicycles .. totally off the grid and on the road in our van! Soon after we moved to an intenional Farm Community owned by the Hare Krishna's .. where i was previously living in the ashram and rasing my daughter as a single mom, And it was not long after going back there to 'live off the land' when the hemp seed ran out, we were milking our cows, building gardens, and I got invovled with the dairy again, making cheese, yoghurt, butter, you name it we had it every day.. and it was really hard for me to see my godbrothers and sisters poisoning their boddies.. it was hard for me physically, and to fall victim to it too was hard to watch.. and to watch kids hooked on sugar, Adults hooked on sugar, I remember feeling so much internal conflict.. i remember my kids eating kale out of the garden and spinach and people looking at us in shock.. We didn't really feel like we fit in with our wanting to not eat dairy sugar and wheat in a commune type setting, and we booked it to Salt Spring Island and cultvated our own farm life, Seed Saving, wild crafting, studying plant medicine, sustainability and ecovillage living..I remember one summer being pregnant with my second child, my friends were reading Natures First Law by David Avacado Wolfe, and drinking their urine, riding bikes and making superfood balls and travelling to india.. I was greatly isnpired at that time.. seeing how much vitality they had, and how it was really working for them, and living on an island you start to think a lot about where food comes from where its going and what is sustainable.. We were trying to raise funds in our communtiy for a village of like minded people... an affordable village, one based on sustainability, health, wellbeing, and even we had investors andsome really good feedback, but as the economy and our famliy shifted, and grew.. we left the island due to what i call 'gentrification' of those without the capital to live the life of the wealthy idealists.. I dove back into meditation and our spiritual life determined to live off the Krsna Farm Land again, this time taking shelter in a certified organic family... farming up in the interior again. .. hot, dry, not much water, not much money, dependant on fossil fuels, forest fires.. dairy, wheat, sugar, kirtan, devotional ecstacy but intestinal trauma for myself and my daughter.. a repeating cycle in my journey.. food.. vitality.. spirituality.. becoming dissillusioned by the scarcity of resources and the intensity of winter, We moved to Vancovuer, nomads we are.. and I was fortunate enough to be managing an Organic Produce store in Vancouver, getting a huge abundance of organic food overflowing at my door.. and ordering local and exotic abundant fruits and vegetables, It was my job to source produce, culitivate enthusiasm for local farmers, maintain relationships with chefs, farmers, wholesale distributors, deliver top quality live fresh food to the international travellers and the locals of Granville Island, I learned so much about how far our food travels.. what is really sustainable, and how much food is wasted.. i began donating boxes of food to shelters, friends, and co workers..

Our family had to go to Ottawa due to an illness in our family.. and i met Matt and Angela Stokes on day three of ottawa journey, at an outdoor Raw Festival, it was captivating, to meet them and see their journey from weight loss, emotional eating, learning about plant medicine , juice feasting, sharing, inspiring, sourcing, endless learning, and co creation. My family became re-inspired.. and Living foods entered my life in a big way..
soon after we travelled to California to a spiritual retreat to visit my Gurudev and our family, I knew it was going to be hard to eat the food, and low and behold i met Raw Food enthusisat Hare Krishna devotees and Yogi bhajan Disciples who RADIATED.>. like i mean GLOWED.. and it was for me so transformational to see these radiant thriving people, sharing and touring around with the knowledge and blessings in their life that they were cultivating.. I went home to Canada Inspired, to read, to study,to really un learn and experiment.. It has been a challenge to adjust what i call my conditioned 'healthy junk food patterning'.. especially with children.. and especially with understanding my emotional eating.. It was in a yoga training understanding basic ayurveda, that the connection with body mind spirit took over.. For the past two years it has been in witnssing and seeking out revolutionary people that tell thier story, living their life's deepest purpose.. I would have to say that watching the integration between spiritual and emotional awareness in food preparation ~ I became transformed in my consciousness.. suddenly i had some answers to this dilmea.. of watching those i love hurt their body temples.. I have made this past year a journey in which i wish to learn and share these teachings, surround myself and my family with this vibrant life energy force that wants to live.. and nourish, and heal..

Its been people like you Stacy, the Boutnko's, David Wolfe, Madhava Ananda, The Bliss Bar family n California, Angela and Matt Monarch, the RawFamily, Bruce Harowitz, Gabriel Cousens, Stewart Blakey, Daniel Vitalis and Sarah Maria.. The Reinosheks and the Juice Feasting.com site... Brother Echo, The Kootney Tribe - Rysheak, Johnnie, Carmen, Simone, many many more.. but Most of all I would have to say that The Cafe Bliss family in Victoria - through the grace and blessings of The Tree of life, and through Heather and her family.. our bigger family -, Bronson. Harmony, Tyler, Serina, Cosmo's family, and all you beautiful peeps you know who you are, just by providing a sacred space for this journey, a laboratory, where I felt totally excpeted with my break out skin, my two kids, my endless need to travel, and learn, i feel so inspired on this journey so very deeply, because we all come together as a family.. a rainbow of colors, to support and love eachother, no matter what we disagree on or agree on.. We offer it with love, we are out there shining so brightly.. following our bliss.. living our life's passion, and radiating that forward no matter what.. we all are unique in this life.. we have our own way of doing things, unique to us..like rays of the sun.. i see the common source.. though we may not all agree on ' the perfect diet' i see a love for life, a love for living a life which we want to share and pass on to our children .. I am also deeply inspred by my Yoga teacher Jenni Pritchard, who with steadfast dedication and open heartedness also strives to serve and shine brightly to those willing to recieve, this is a great gift.. where they can reach our fullest potential to love and nourish that life force.. but it takes the support, and willingness to dive deep within.. to offer what we find with love.. and to continue humbly learning from our expereinces, from our reflections of eachother, our ancestors.

Our children deserve a healthy future, a healthy concept of themselves, wellbeing.. Our chidren of this earth are our great teachers.. if we can show them to love this temple in which their soul can rest, and a connection to source.. this planet and beyond.. that will be the greatest gift i could imagine possible.. All of you have been my greatest inspiration to want to continue on my personal journey to find a balance of health and well being.. I'm not feeling in any way perfect, or enlightened, but i feel through the association with those who are tuned into something higher vibrationally, we can live a life of compassion for ourselves, the planet, our future, and dance and sing in the co creation of that change we wish to see in the world.. I'm done with living in the past.. and ready to dive into the present opportunity we have so much wealth and abundance on this planet, and so many are starving, so man are malnurished because we are mis informed.. dumbed down, cheated, and lied to..

So i dedicate my life to a love for living foods, yoga, a cruelty free diet- not just a food diet, but what i live diet.. a diet of awareness.. living waters, a diet of love, and a cohesive balance with child centered living. I write this very long testimonial as i am about to embark on a journey to Indonesia with my daughter, and possibly India after, we are working on sharing and caring our passion and love for healthy living and share this with those who may not have access to it.. I'll be volunteering in schools and making some videos about our journey.. . I hope that through my daughters life and my personal ongoing transformation.. we can help encourage and nurture other kids and families on a path of living.. and a way of living that is in balance... not necissarily 100% raw but 100% LOVE>>>. I do believe in addressing what doshically works for the individual constitution to serve a higher purpose.. free of shame and guilt..free of right's and wrongs...

I testify here that I am dedicated to continue to explore this path with my family and make this way of living more accessible to those who do not have the resources or support to thrive..Because while I see people dining in fancy gourmet restaruants, i also see street kids eating mc donalds and other kids eating sugar water without the alternative available in their 'reality' As Amma said, it if it is their karma to suffer, it is my Karma to do something about it.. and As my Srila Gurudev Narayan Maharaj who has been travelling the world non stop until recently for many many years spreading the message of love of god.. and God is LOVE>> He has imparted many teachings to me, what sticks out most is.. :'Serve the divine Goddess, serve eachother, don't criticize, and offer love and respect to all.. this body is temprary, a vehicle for the soul, chant and be happy, do what you with love and affection....' like a father calling out to his child, i love you.. love your self.. love eachother..

As I write this he is 90 years old, and in Delhi being treated by natural mdicine doctors, his beloved daughters and sons.. light workers, plant medicine , living foods, ayurveda and superfoods for his advanced stage of Cancer of the Colon.. my heart weeps and i long to bring him some E3 live and probiotics.. So now more than ever as i witness the call to attend to this healing crisis on this planet.. It is time to RISE UP >> !!!

We are so fortunate to be alive, and to share this time and space..Thank you for inspiring me greatly on my healing path, i pray we can continue to share and care about plant medicines, Organic Living, Cultured living, suprefoods, longevity, surthriving, cultivating sustainability, revolutionary ways of being.. Throughout this year so many teachers crossing my path something profound has transpired, a deep awakening to want to share with my children and the worlds children in a peaceful joyful, non threatening way..

I had wonderful experiences in Indonesia travelling through cacao plantations, eating in fancy raw food restaurants, finding myself deep into my yoga practice, feeling what it feels like to be totally out of balance and remembering i can access it.. teaching classes, taking classes, reading amazing books, and sitting in expensive lecture halls, over priced online shopping stores for super amazing products.. I realized.. that the information transmitted opened me up so deeply to divine love.. and that i want everyone to be able to access this, not just those with the cash flow..

I learned it is never too late.. that we have choices, we can see our body and life as a temple where the divine sits.. that we are divine, that is our birth right, that the earth gives us everything we need. That the walls of illusion .. the fear.. the lies.. these can be conquered through sound vibration meditation, through food meditation, through concsious living.. the more we embrace this love.. the more others will be able to recieve it, for to give is truely to recive.. ..

How fortunate it is that many of us are now waking up, with 2012 prophecies approaching.. the time is now and in the present moment allways to shine brightly.. we have the power to keep living, keep cleansing, keep sharing, keep learning.. and keep on keeping strong!! We are a time of Healing Crisis on this planet.. 20 % of the worlds population uses 80% of its resources. we don't have time to waste.. it is our birth right to love.. May we all rise up to shine our individual heart song.. and inspire and support eachother in through nutrition and nutrition of the soul's need to be love

Namaste, and thank you for reading my very long and never ending testimonial of how i came to be where im at.. :)

testimonial of the life i'm aspiring to live ~ devotional bhakti shakti ~

It's been a while since i wrote anything.. oh my goddess... the winds of change are flowing sweetly..looking back to my last post.. i realize the desire to serve living foods yoga and kirtan led me from bali, to nelson, to sunshine coast where we danced and created alchemy majik with chocolate and superfoods.. to salt spring where we dove into nature and played in the alchemy studio and with herbalists, farmers, and artists....where after i landed in Victoria with ocean by my side, yoga vibes.. Cafe Bliss family embracing me with open arms.. and i adore love, and miss them all.. all the kirtan friends.. the kirtan was majik.. My daughters went to thier dad's in Ontario for summer.. was so fun for them, and nice for me to focus on the many blessings in my own life.. Madhava Ananda joined me on a treck to Bhakti FEst.. and the kirtan was incredible.. the yoga vibes, community, living foods it opened my chakras.. super foods in the desert, meeting more enthusiasts..found myself playing with so many beautiful people sharing, caring.. chanting, breathing, and embracing.. Eventually not being with my darling daughters started to take a toll on my heart.. I found myself in Los Angeles at the Radha Govinda temple.. it was so fun to meet some more like minded souls, wake up at 4:30 am and pray chant, dance, serve food.. and take in the Santa Monica and Venice beach energy. Jai Uttal, Shakti Chai, raw chocolates, long boarding, yoga at Bhakti Yoga Shala, and Exhale were all highlights amidst the ocean walks, jappa and seva mission.... I was determined to serve my Srila Gurudev's templein some way, but also noticing how the inner time to reflect was also a blessing, and to simplify my life by living in a temple environment had me looking around and realizing a lot..
Upon hearing news of my Srila Gurudev being in Stage 4 of Cancer of the cholon, the tears rolled down, and a deep sense of longing to serve and nurture healing in our community and sangha developed deeper.. I have been feeling very contemplative during this time as thousands are flocking to visit him, delivering remedies, and going on Parikram in Vrindavan ( this s a pilgramage every year in the holy village in Vrindavan where Krishna was born and lived.. it is the most holy place to visit for me..and I have yet to go.. ) a longing developed, a longing to serve and to give up my attachments to selfish desires...

I left la and came to Ontario to be with my daughters in their new house that thier dad purchased.. it is a suburban town house, and it has been quite the culture shock, feeling so isolated and strange sense of peace.. nurturing my daughters, and being so greatful for this time. when not in Barrie visiting during the week, I go to Toronto on the weekend and cultivate sisterhood, kundalini and bhakti shakti with my dear darling freind who is from bali, and is a healer to say the least.. it is like i never left bali i often think to myself!! so after two weeks of being here and there and taking in the sites and accessing the nomadic opportunities, my heart called out for going home to BC... and my heart called out to go to India and serve my guru and sangha as well as study more.,... and my heart called out to go to the tree of life.. but my heart has really really been calling out to focus back on the Bali plan.. now i'm enwrapped in a business plan, service, education, food, and life in Bali.. i can hear the sound of the trees blowing, the farmers in the rice feilds, the birds, it just feels like home, safe and farmiliar. . and with amazing schools for my daughters Laksmi really wants to study music, dance, art, yoga and fun with food, and i see how beautiful our healing journey can be there in bali.. Revati wishes to stay with her dad for a few months and will come visit us later, she' s really enjoying being wtih her dad, and I embrace that, they have a strong bond and are very patient.. I am feeling rather blessed and fortunate we all love eachother so much and can allow space where it is necessary.. it will take a little time to get things set up so she can visit us in a few months.. :) I am working on a little trip to India for January.. if all goes smoothly. .. you know what they say.. man makes plans and god laughs..

one thing is clear right now.. as we are approaching 2012 and as things are shifting, my saturn is returning, the need to live more sustainably and devotionally is upon us very strong..

I realize i do not wish to live here in the west at this present time with my children, we have so much to learn from other cutlures, in how to live, how to not just survive, but surthrive, how to give back, through serving, learning, exploring. Ancient wisdom is available to us, and the potency of mantra and worship has changed my life,

I wish to cultivate this Bhakti Creeper, to continue my studdies in yoga , in India, really dive into those gifts My Gurudev has given me and to offer what it is that has inspred me so much..So many gifts from so many teachers have sprung into my life.. it can be almost overwhelming when you are enthusiastic to do so much in life.. but the balance is there when i remember what is truely important..

So here i set out this intention for a healing voyage, it is my vision to move to Bali with my daughter and build a healing space for devotees to come to., to have kirtan retreats, yoga sanctuary, space for women and children to express and grow together in harmony..

Through my time at Satyagraha Ashram, and visiting the Palenghi School and Green School, I am convinced this is a ripe place for my children to learn and grow...and it is now time to get off my mat and into the world and align my offerings..

Children inspire me every day, the more i spend time away from them, a part of me feels empty.. and the more i spend time with them i realize how much they teach me and how fortunate i am to share this path with them... and all the kids we meet along the way.. so here's to the never ending adventure and the eternal bliss within us all!

I'm so glad to be alive.. and to share it.. every day i am learning to let go anything, or any fear, holding me back form fully embracing divine love...

living shakti

feeling the many blessings around me.. and inside..

went from victoria to nelson to bali to nelson to sunshiine coast to salt spring, and now landed back in victoria, radiating around the cafe bliss family and yoga shala sanctuary..

so greatful for every breath, every step, every opportunity to love and share in creation

the chanting of sacred mantras -the holy names- are keeping my heart centered, i take shelter in this rasa.. amidst the seeming chaos.. with breathe awareness, resonance and union ..

lots of recipies a brewing and classes to teach this summer!

with all that is happening in the world at this very moment, i see no other thing to do than to spread love, raise vibrations and heal .... staying positive through the storms and taking it all in as mercy

All Glories to the divine lotus feet emenating from Goloka Vrindavan and within

on the road

i did it.. i got all tasks accomplished thus far and now it is in gods hands

passport appy off, pick up wednesday and leave thursday at midninght! flying accross the world to another culture another land, a heavanly paradise!

playing with my darling godsisters and their daughters in vancouver .. so fun..

mysore practice at 6 am with adam http://thepracticeplace.ca for thenext three days.. going to soak up the inspiration as much as possible.. and radiate the inspiration to the mountains and beaches of indonesia's hindu capital

live food, kirtan, exstatic dancing and adventure awaits..

so greatful for this opportunity!

bali bound

i am one week and a half away to the highlight of my year.. even though its' just begun,
not only am i turnint 29 on the 29th, but i'm going to BALI to work and learn with a brother who has been doing the live food artistry since i was a teenager.. so i'm totally stoked, going to sit under an aloe vera plant and suck her juice, chant, dance, sing, get some sun that doesn't come in a bottle drop form.. and love love love it..
this winter has been exceptionally hard trying to stay raw.. i moved from a super supportive network of live food enthusiasts, and my yoga community, and my body and mind are telling me this is a challenging place right now for this spirit in this body..

not only am i going to engage in a learning and growing adventure, but we will be having some devotional focus, so itis like service to my beloved spiritual master.. i wished to go to india this year, but my laksmi deneros just didn't quite cut it.. and i don't want to go to india for three weeks, wouldn't be fair to my kids either because they really want to come..

anywho.. not there yet, but almost..
some of the most interesting monetary arrangments are under way for my arrival..

1. made a huge beautiful box of live food goodies dehydrated to 105 sprouted prior and totally satvic, no onions or garlic,.. mailing to a friend who is a godsister, balanisian woman who lives in Toronto!

2. sold my harmonium i just bought before coming here to nelson three months ago... it is an heirloom that belonged to a famous devotee maybe ifanyone actually reads my blog, which i'm not sure they do but thats' ook.. you may have heard of bhaudauk.. anyways, his daughter contacted me and is buying it, and she lives in the uk..

ok so that coversmy plane ticket..
now for the rest

4. ended up doing some telemarketing for a friend for a website about internships and travelling abroad.. not really telemarketing because we're just getting people to submint blog entries, but it's kind of neat to research about interning and travelling when that's kind of what i'm doing!

5. a little itty bitty bad loan for another couple hundered,

6. it is quite possible i may actually make a few dollars from the month of yoga i've been teaching part itme.. but unsure because i'm still paying off my insurance fees.. but at least i'm insured so you cant' sue me ( not that i thought you would)

7. someone from nelson town who moved to bali, who happened to talk to my friend who i'm staying with wants me to bring to bali some super greens, and is willing to pay me!!that's super cool


so it all comes down to this.. fly or bus to vancouver, then will i be able to get my passport expediated in 24 hrs, get my ticket that will mean going to seattle.. on a bus, stay in vancouver for three days and not spend any money, that will be the challenge, i may need to fast and cleanse hardcore for the next few days..because all the money i have is booked for my trip.. it's going to be a low budget eating wild eddibles trip, just what i need to clear my head of mundane sorrows and stress.. going to wake up at 4 am and do yoga, chanting, and then engage in the live foods seva!!
i still think it's a dream, pinch me..

no it's not a dream!

oh and did i mention i get three weeks off of my darling children who are beginng to drive me to kurmasana and pranayama for stress relief on a more regular basis!!!


praying for all the pieces to fall into place :)

jai sri radhe!