Saturday, October 24, 2009

about my journey as a yogini and a momma

today i begin a journey, having read so many blogs  of dear friends, attempted a blog on my own a few times, this is a fresh new path for this lover of life. I have been on a journey for some time now, before i can remember, a soul journey, a quest for the truth, always unfolding in so many ways. When i least expected i would find answers krishna, or god, or the great spirit what every you want to call it, him/her, i call it Krishna.. or Sri Radha.. they  sent me angles with wings and opened doors to a higher taste, a higher love than can be found in this world, in this body, in these senses,  Love for god, love for the Goddess and her beloved, in so many different ways. 

I have been a  mother now for almost ten years, and my dear darling daughters have taught me so many things, about myself and about what love is, about compassion, and sometimes anger and frustration too. Their fathers, have taught me so much about letting go and letting god, and given me many blessings and much to be thankful for. I feel so honored and humbled to be these kids mother, having only been 19 as i began this journey now i am approaching thirty and finally figuring out myself, where i am destined to endeavor to serve beyond motherhood. My recent break up from an 8 year relationship led me to a deep dark hole of depression, loss, grief, and with that a new awakening, a rebirth .. to love life, and accept my karma, my offerings as mercy and grace. I healed my depression with vitamins and herbs, yoga, counseling, friends, bike riding and just diving right into it and not being afraid to face what it was that was making me sad. i now chant with great faith..  This is your way, this is your grace....  I still have my moments when i forget this, and have to remind myself to really let god in, i remember to chant this with gratitude, and i remember to chant with reverence for this life, i too forget sometimes in the midst of a temper tantrum, and then i thank god for my yoga practice, for the six months of rigorous ashtanga yoga practice i have been committed to, and to the many triumphs in life i have overcome. I am really thankful for the little blessing of Jenni from the Victoria Yoga Shala who took me on as a poor single momma student this year, with back problems,  skin problems, depression, and a messed up left hip and neck. She had faith in me.. and i feel so alive now from the teachings she passed on to me from Guruji, Sri K Patabhi Jois. I also thank my children's father Ramanath who lovingly cared for the kids during this time so I could be at Mysore practice for 6:30 am.. I feel it was no coincidence that Patabi Jois passed on from the body of this life the very day we started our Yoga teacher Training, and no co-incidence that Jenni and I both love chanting and Kirtan so much. I hope to one day go to Mysore India and learn from Guruji's family and build on what I continue to teach and grow with. I know this is not a one shot course deal, i will always be learning, always training, and find joy and peace in the dedication and practice.  This path of Yoga Chakitsa, or Yoga therapy ... has been so complimentary to my already active living of Bhkati Yoga.. Ashtanga yoga has  helped me to find a way of healing, to tap into my inner strength and return to my breath. I hope to share some of this with you through this blog.  It is a 6 day a week practice of what is known as the Primary Series that i have surprisingly committed myself to, i say surprisingly because when i got on the mat in the beginning of my training i was sure i was going to fail, and thought this was way to hard for this body, but now  i feel more power  than ever before, the balance i need when life gives me curve balls is now coming from within, and the struggles bring an awakening into my ever unfolding expansion and humility, an opportunity to grow. 

I pray at the lotus feet of my many gurus for some way to serve my fellow beings, to serve this mother earth, to serve god's beloved children, and i have forgotten so many times to serve myself.. this year has taught me to take that time, because in the end what good are we to others, especially  children, if  we are not able to love ourselves? 

I learned so much also working at Cafe Bliss in Victoria .. a lovely little raw food juice bar and cafe. Which has its roots coming from the lovely Heather and her family who have all trained and spent time at places like The Tree Of Life Hippocrates Health Institute.  I now day dream to go to Tree Of Life Rejuvenation Center in six months and do some seva... all from that inspiration of Heather and her loving family, and a lot of good books and videos i've been checking out of Dr. Gabriel Cousins. I am here in the Kootney's to be a karma yogi and manifest a living foods restaurant/ juice bar along side a  yoga space in Nelson for the community. It is so important to dream and vision, because that's how all good things manifest.. so i'm on a year of visioning and manifesting quest.I'm starting this blog to share and care and honor the many blessings, because a spring of knowledge dwells within this little family, and a seed has been planted, a creeper that is growing as i remember to water it carefully. 

 My family has lived all over BC. in yurts, in cabins on islands, in mountains, in forests, in cities, on creeks, by oceans, near lakes, and so many lovely beings have given me hope, and courage to overcome my fears, and seeming challenges. I hope to share their beauty here too. I am grateful for this opportunity to share, for the road to be wide open .  My life thus far has been a nomadic yogini life in the arms of Beautiful BC, and yet I feel i have hardly scratched the surface of nomadism.

Symbiotically with the yoga and nomadism, I began a living foods revolution this year, slowly incorporating live / raw foods into my families diet, and while I have been vegetarian and healthy conscious organic granola vegan loving -but not allways practicing vegan- for almost twelve years,  - it was last year when i was in california visiting Amma and then My Srila Gurudev Narayan Maharaj that i became so inspired by witnessing living foods lifestyle flourish in a spiritual, devotional, and family way, that   i knew then on my way home to Canada, i needed to do something about this inspiration! It started with green smoothies, going to raw food potlucks, reading books, going to wicked lectures, ph balanced water,  big bountiful salads and raw pizza, raw detox cleansing, and hanging out at cafe bliss as much as possible until Heather gave me a job there. I was especially inspired by the lively people who i was given the opportunity to be meeting while camping at a spiritual retreat in the high desert mountains of Badger California. Oh how those Yogi Bhajan devotees of in cali just delight me with their aura's, and their darling daughter who shines so bright! My godbrother Madhavananda from maui  inspired me with his delectables, good advice, ayurvedic approach and years of experience traveling and setting up kitchens and manifesting product lines.. My kids adored Victoira and Valya Boutenko's talk in Victoria this year, and if it weren't for the i don't think my kids would drink spinach and banana for breakfast!!!  We also got some good family laughs and giggles of inspiration at a Raw Fest in Ottawa Ontario of all places,  with the lovely speakers Matt Monarch and Angela Stokes-Monarch (who's rawfoodworldtv show on youtube rocks btw)  And then there is the ever so inspiring David Wolf and the very enlightening works of Gabriel Cousins. All of these warriors of health shed a wealth of knowledge and years of experience into my awakening to thrive and not survive. I recently did a workshop with  Danielle Vitalis about medicinal mushrooms and live spring water, and his whole Thrive not Survive mentality is really gaining momentum here in Canada, I'm now practicing surthrival not survival.. All of this amazing association has given me a new kind of love.  I am in love with the living foods movement and the spiritual aspect we can bring to the food we offer to the lord and our brothers and sisters. 

My kids love raw food now too, maybe not as much as i do. They helped me do a raw food business we call OmAmma at a local farmers market in Victoria this past year, and the feed back was phenomenal, i honestly couldn't keep up with the demand. We're refining our business plan to form a co-operative, and make a bigger impact.. . .  these kiddies knew they were part of something special, and we are continuing to make goodies together as much as possible. I'm stoked every time i see them munch on my dehydrated crackers/ 'cookies', buckwheaties, sprouts, or when they practically beg me to make raw nut milks and creams .. I knew all that Kale they were growing as little Hare Krishna kids and eating out straight of the garden would lead us somewhere special.

  Well here we are, on a raw spirit quest, a yogini mamma journey.. This blog is open to all walks of life to read and share, I am so new to this lifestyle that I am eager to learn, share and co-create the beauty and abundance we all need to Surthrive and Love. I hope this offering can be that of an open canvas with no limits.... Blessed Be,  all glories to the divine essence in you and in me, Jai Sri Radhe, the most worshipable goddess of love and devotion, who we pray to for her mercy and service.. namaste

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