Wednesday, December 30, 2009

my head is pounding, doing some detoxing from reishi mushroom tea.. i honestly didn't know what i was getting myself into, got to go easy on this stuff.. apparently it helps flag off candida..yippee, but it is also flagging off my yoga practice, 

managed to have a lovely raw day today, with some chanting, snow, and am now enjoying reflections on the year.. what a year.. what a rollarcoaster for this momma..i won't go into detail, but lets seee... 

broke up with my partner of 8 years, 
went raw vegan, fell off and on several times, feelilng better on raw foods than any other foods, with the occasional bowl of cooked fluffy quinoa..

had three amazing visitors of angelic presence from my srila gurudev visit me and have darshan wtih me and my family.. namely Syamarani Didi, Manjari Dasi, and Raghuleka Dasi oh and a bunch more but those were the highlights that sparked my spiritual fire

graduated from two yoga teacher trainings, one was intense physically, spiritually, and mentally,  the other emotionally intense..  . both life changing and transforming.. 

my daughters and i moved to the mountains, which i now am almost regretting because i left behind so many beautiful people i love and miss dearly as well as epicenters of meditation and live foods.... it was a rash decision in the mode of passion, so i am living the time out.. till april 30th and then who knows

my daughters are finally going to a school i feel totally in line with.. the nelson Waldorf school has fullfilled my educational intentions for my children socially and artistically

i'm planning to go to bali and work at an Exstatic dance Bhakti Yoga and Live food retreat... if i can get my pennies lined up, and who knows if all goes well maybe i'll just move there..

oh and one more thing this year, i not only fell into deep deep heartbreak, and still feel the effects of that, but i  fell in love once.. he lives in spain, so it is kind of like a super duper long distance relationship.. that maybe non realistic, though our phone calls and emails are going well, not making any progress on my spanish, but his english is improving..  and werd is he's coming back in the spring... who knows, could be a dream

so the plans for my business are kind of on hold due to cleansing, detoxification from candida, and teaching yoga.. as well as raising two kids on my own.. 

taking it moment by moment, trying to not get overwhelmed by the challenges that await me every day, it is a hard winter for me, I'm not going to lie and say everything is bliss, i mean i know I'm eternally full of bliss and truth, they are full of bliss, but i left a really good situation to come here - my cafe bliss family- and it is proving to be a slow and steady up hill in these mountains, my kids are very emotionally distraught with their father gone, we have had many a battle emotionally, I sure am happy they have made friends here -more than in victoria, but my friend count has gone down, and my sense of belonging and meaning is feeling a little tired, my lack of concentration doesn't help, partly due to the candida and partly due to the many things i'm trying to do at once.. 

so i pray that 2010 will be prosperous and bountiful, full of opportunity to grow, love, serve, and create the life i want to live

one thing that sticks out for sure, is that i am in separation from my beloved spiritual master and my beloved godsisters and brothers, trying to find a place where we can be together, chant, dance, create, and blissfully co-exist.. i hope it's not just inmy mind's eye.. but a tangible reality

Monday, December 14, 2009

nomadic ways move my soul, i realize i move every year.. that it is my deep connection to seva and spirit seeking adventure..  now i am settling my darling daughters into waldorf school  here in nelson, what a delightful place, i wish i could go!  and listening to raw mom summit and scheming on how to get to bali asap.. like krishna stealing pots of butter and blaming it on the monkeys.. i am trying to manifest so many things via bhagavan's eternal abundance..

this year has been a journey of healing and looking inside.. sometimes we don't like what we see, and project it onto others.. i realize that it is all a reflection, a mirror of our own consciousness..

so i am trying to teach as much yoga this month as possible in this little sleepy snowy party town.. I've got my sights set on high association and learning, fully embracing the offerings of gurudev.. he is offering me so much i just have to make the surrender and effort happennn... 

so it will be a yogathon of love and devotion this month to help manifest my dreams and find some inner peace and bliss to share with the world.. looking forward to what is in store for me and the girls.. adventure awaits, the snow falls, the dehydrator is humming full of bounty..
the fruit basket is full in the dead of winter, on  one of the darkest nights, and the veggies in the fridge are calling us to juice and drink and honor..   
the super foods are screaming out for joy and the hills are allive with sound of rawsome bhajans..

this holy day season we are not celebrating by giving gifts of consumerism, but the gift of yoga and chanting and remembering the lovely blessings gurudev has given us all to remember...

i will be teaching a free yoga class on christmas day at the shanti studio in support of the local womans shelter, and i couldn't be happier, my daughter is delighted to join me, laksmi andanda the goddess of giving and abundance.. that is her nature, maybe we'll go tobogganing on her birthday two days later.. that would be so lovely of a time to share.. 

many blessings for a sacred solstice and a happy holy days.. may we all remember the spirit of giving back to the world we share