Wednesday, December 30, 2009

my head is pounding, doing some detoxing from reishi mushroom tea.. i honestly didn't know what i was getting myself into, got to go easy on this stuff.. apparently it helps flag off candida..yippee, but it is also flagging off my yoga practice, 

managed to have a lovely raw day today, with some chanting, snow, and am now enjoying reflections on the year.. what a year.. what a rollarcoaster for this momma..i won't go into detail, but lets seee... 

broke up with my partner of 8 years, 
went raw vegan, fell off and on several times, feelilng better on raw foods than any other foods, with the occasional bowl of cooked fluffy quinoa..

had three amazing visitors of angelic presence from my srila gurudev visit me and have darshan wtih me and my family.. namely Syamarani Didi, Manjari Dasi, and Raghuleka Dasi oh and a bunch more but those were the highlights that sparked my spiritual fire

graduated from two yoga teacher trainings, one was intense physically, spiritually, and mentally,  the other emotionally intense..  . both life changing and transforming.. 

my daughters and i moved to the mountains, which i now am almost regretting because i left behind so many beautiful people i love and miss dearly as well as epicenters of meditation and live foods.... it was a rash decision in the mode of passion, so i am living the time out.. till april 30th and then who knows

my daughters are finally going to a school i feel totally in line with.. the nelson Waldorf school has fullfilled my educational intentions for my children socially and artistically

i'm planning to go to bali and work at an Exstatic dance Bhakti Yoga and Live food retreat... if i can get my pennies lined up, and who knows if all goes well maybe i'll just move there..

oh and one more thing this year, i not only fell into deep deep heartbreak, and still feel the effects of that, but i  fell in love once.. he lives in spain, so it is kind of like a super duper long distance relationship.. that maybe non realistic, though our phone calls and emails are going well, not making any progress on my spanish, but his english is improving..  and werd is he's coming back in the spring... who knows, could be a dream

so the plans for my business are kind of on hold due to cleansing, detoxification from candida, and teaching yoga.. as well as raising two kids on my own.. 

taking it moment by moment, trying to not get overwhelmed by the challenges that await me every day, it is a hard winter for me, I'm not going to lie and say everything is bliss, i mean i know I'm eternally full of bliss and truth, they are full of bliss, but i left a really good situation to come here - my cafe bliss family- and it is proving to be a slow and steady up hill in these mountains, my kids are very emotionally distraught with their father gone, we have had many a battle emotionally, I sure am happy they have made friends here -more than in victoria, but my friend count has gone down, and my sense of belonging and meaning is feeling a little tired, my lack of concentration doesn't help, partly due to the candida and partly due to the many things i'm trying to do at once.. 

so i pray that 2010 will be prosperous and bountiful, full of opportunity to grow, love, serve, and create the life i want to live

one thing that sticks out for sure, is that i am in separation from my beloved spiritual master and my beloved godsisters and brothers, trying to find a place where we can be together, chant, dance, create, and blissfully co-exist.. i hope it's not just inmy mind's eye.. but a tangible reality


  1. i have felt a similar experience in the call to adventure otherwise known as moving:) When i became aware of life and myself in 97 i was living in gainesville,fl. A few year later i left all my friends and broke it off with my girlfriend to go on the a hunt for the whitelight. I drove up to woodstock new york in the dead winter. At the time, my mind was not so stable and was seeking dimensions not physical. About 2 weeks there i cried for the first time since i was 13. I just moved up there seeking the purity of light and magic. But i did not account for all the differences of lifestyle. I ended up staying there for 3 months and moved to Atlanta to study Reiki and Rebirthing. Eventually i moved back to Gainesville. A few years after that i moved again, up to Virgina and then out west to Colorado. Eventually though, i moved back to FLorida where all my dear friends reside. And now finally for the past two years i have left Florida again, i moved up to Oregon to go back to school for physics. My cousin always says to travel but when you get somewhere to stay until you feel you completed what you came for. Its the emotions that pull us out of alignment and we got to evolve and be brave. Im sure you know this from reading your words and from the few conversations we have had on giveittomeraw:) Where did you move from?

  2. i moved from victoria bc, was there ofr a year.., was at a farm in the interior of bc for a few months (i've lived there off and on for 8 years) the we were in ottawa for six months, before that was in vancouve for a year, before that the farm, before that victoria before that the farm, before that salt spring island, before that the farm, before that vancouver island, before that vancouver, before that chilliwack where i grew up, lets just say i've ben running in circles.. my spirit is telling me i've almost had all of bc i can handle for now, and am ready to go international! thanks for the comment tom, i was begining to think no one was reading, and that's ok! i like what your cousin said

  3. Wow I love your blog! What ecstatic dance live foods thing are you going to if you don't mind sharing, it sounds very interesting!!