Wednesday, October 27, 2010

testimonial of the life i'm aspiring to live ~ devotional bhakti shakti ~

It's been a while since i wrote anything.. oh my goddess... the winds of change are flowing sweetly..looking back to my last post.. i realize the desire to serve living foods yoga and kirtan led me from bali, to nelson, to sunshine coast where we danced and created alchemy majik with chocolate and superfoods.. to salt spring where we dove into nature and played in the alchemy studio and with herbalists, farmers, and artists....where after i landed in Victoria with ocean by my side, yoga vibes.. Cafe Bliss family embracing me with open arms.. and i adore love, and miss them all.. all the kirtan friends.. the kirtan was majik.. My daughters went to thier dad's in Ontario for summer.. was so fun for them, and nice for me to focus on the many blessings in my own life.. Madhava Ananda joined me on a treck to Bhakti FEst.. and the kirtan was incredible.. the yoga vibes, community, living foods it opened my chakras.. super foods in the desert, meeting more enthusiasts..found myself playing with so many beautiful people sharing, caring.. chanting, breathing, and embracing.. Eventually not being with my darling daughters started to take a toll on my heart.. I found myself in Los Angeles at the Radha Govinda temple.. it was so fun to meet some more like minded souls, wake up at 4:30 am and pray chant, dance, serve food.. and take in the Santa Monica and Venice beach energy. Jai Uttal, Shakti Chai, raw chocolates, long boarding, yoga at Bhakti Yoga Shala, and Exhale were all highlights amidst the ocean walks, jappa and seva mission.... I was determined to serve my Srila Gurudev's templein some way, but also noticing how the inner time to reflect was also a blessing, and to simplify my life by living in a temple environment had me looking around and realizing a lot..
Upon hearing news of my Srila Gurudev being in Stage 4 of Cancer of the cholon, the tears rolled down, and a deep sense of longing to serve and nurture healing in our community and sangha developed deeper.. I have been feeling very contemplative during this time as thousands are flocking to visit him, delivering remedies, and going on Parikram in Vrindavan ( this s a pilgramage every year in the holy village in Vrindavan where Krishna was born and lived.. it is the most holy place to visit for me..and I have yet to go.. ) a longing developed, a longing to serve and to give up my attachments to selfish desires...

I left la and came to Ontario to be with my daughters in their new house that thier dad purchased.. it is a suburban town house, and it has been quite the culture shock, feeling so isolated and strange sense of peace.. nurturing my daughters, and being so greatful for this time. when not in Barrie visiting during the week, I go to Toronto on the weekend and cultivate sisterhood, kundalini and bhakti shakti with my dear darling freind who is from bali, and is a healer to say the least.. it is like i never left bali i often think to myself!! so after two weeks of being here and there and taking in the sites and accessing the nomadic opportunities, my heart called out for going home to BC... and my heart called out to go to India and serve my guru and sangha as well as study more.,... and my heart called out to go to the tree of life.. but my heart has really really been calling out to focus back on the Bali plan.. now i'm enwrapped in a business plan, service, education, food, and life in Bali.. i can hear the sound of the trees blowing, the farmers in the rice feilds, the birds, it just feels like home, safe and farmiliar. . and with amazing schools for my daughters Laksmi really wants to study music, dance, art, yoga and fun with food, and i see how beautiful our healing journey can be there in bali.. Revati wishes to stay with her dad for a few months and will come visit us later, she' s really enjoying being wtih her dad, and I embrace that, they have a strong bond and are very patient.. I am feeling rather blessed and fortunate we all love eachother so much and can allow space where it is necessary.. it will take a little time to get things set up so she can visit us in a few months.. :) I am working on a little trip to India for January.. if all goes smoothly. .. you know what they say.. man makes plans and god laughs..

one thing is clear right now.. as we are approaching 2012 and as things are shifting, my saturn is returning, the need to live more sustainably and devotionally is upon us very strong..

I realize i do not wish to live here in the west at this present time with my children, we have so much to learn from other cutlures, in how to live, how to not just survive, but surthrive, how to give back, through serving, learning, exploring. Ancient wisdom is available to us, and the potency of mantra and worship has changed my life,

I wish to cultivate this Bhakti Creeper, to continue my studdies in yoga , in India, really dive into those gifts My Gurudev has given me and to offer what it is that has inspred me so much..So many gifts from so many teachers have sprung into my life.. it can be almost overwhelming when you are enthusiastic to do so much in life.. but the balance is there when i remember what is truely important..

So here i set out this intention for a healing voyage, it is my vision to move to Bali with my daughter and build a healing space for devotees to come to., to have kirtan retreats, yoga sanctuary, space for women and children to express and grow together in harmony..

Through my time at Satyagraha Ashram, and visiting the Palenghi School and Green School, I am convinced this is a ripe place for my children to learn and grow...and it is now time to get off my mat and into the world and align my offerings..

Children inspire me every day, the more i spend time away from them, a part of me feels empty.. and the more i spend time with them i realize how much they teach me and how fortunate i am to share this path with them... and all the kids we meet along the way.. so here's to the never ending adventure and the eternal bliss within us all!

I'm so glad to be alive.. and to share it.. every day i am learning to let go anything, or any fear, holding me back form fully embracing divine love...

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